


Nuvole Bianche - Ludovico Einaudi

by binni



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love, one-sided daisuga, really pretty sad okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binni/pseuds/binni
Summary: Two years apart can do some major damage.You just don't realize it until it explodes.





	Nuvole Bianche - Ludovico Einaudi

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the mood to write sad-fic, so I adapted a scene from an RP a friend of mine and I have. A couple things were changed, some removed, some added. But it's hard to go from one-on-one rp to fic, okay??
> 
> Anyway, I cried RP'ing this, I cried adapting this. We'll see if I'm still sad over it tomorrow.
> 
> (Also I'm lazy and just used the piece of music I was listening to as I wrote as the title.)

This was Suga's last chance.

He knew if he didn't do it now, he never would.

The graduation ceremonies and parties had wrapped up, and the three found themselves on the familiar path home. 

It was his last chance, and every time he saw Asahi giving him that _look_ he was reminded.

_It was now or never._

First, Suga looked up to see the clouds, hoping they might calm him down enough to gather his courage. They were surprisingly scarce today, although one did amuse him. It looked like a boat.

Then, Suga glanced discreetly to Daichi. He glanced discreetly to Daichi and suffered. He suffered in the way he admired the line of Daichi's jaw, the set of his shoulders, the rhythm of his stride; the soft, determined gleam always present in his eyes, the soft bow of his lips. The surprising gentleness in the deep timbre of his voice, the reassuring commitment of his words, even if they were stern--

Suga suffered it all. He admired every part of it, even the less positive parts of Daichi - because were there actual negatives to Sawamura Daichi? If there were, Suga was ignorant to them, preferring instead to drown in the perfection he saw in Daichi.

He took a breath--

And exhaled.

He took another....

Held it.

He exhaled again.

He was a coward. He knew there was no way this would turn out any kind of _good_ for him. Why bother wasting the energy? Why let their last moments together end in embarrassment and awkwardness?

"Okay, this is where I part...!" Asahi announced, and it pulled Suga out of his pensive mood. Was Asahi leaving on purpose--

\--No, this was really where he left.

But he gave Suga _that look_ again.

 _Do it_.

Suga frowned. 

_Sure, but how...._

He shook it away, putting a wide smile on. "See you, Asahi!" He waved. Just the same as he'd done for three years. Like tomorrow would be another day; another part added onto their routine.

Suga saw Daichi nod. "Mm, bye, Asahi...!"

Asahi disappeared around the corner. It left them alone for just a moment.

Because all three parted ways here.

Suga tried and tried to think of how to say it. How to bring it up. Hadn't he already given up just a few moments ago? How did he form sound, and how did he mold it into words?

"I'll see you later, Suga. Yeah?"

That grin was back on Suga's face. Normal. Daichi had spoken to him, it deserved a response.

Suga nodded. "Yeah. See ya." He waved Daichi off, and they parted.

Suga glanced back up at the sky, and the boat was gone.

-*-

Two years later, and Suga was visiting home. Two years in Sendai with only Asahi as a real contact back home left Suga without a real update on anyone else.

He knew his old underclassmen, through Asahi, all thought of him and said hi. He had caught up on their current situations. School, work, family, relationships--and it was all good, and pleasant, and happy! He even had an ice cream cone, sitting with Asahi under a tree in the nearby park. It was a sunny day with a nice breeze, and plenty of soft, white clouds dotting the sky in cute patterns. It was a good day.

But throughout all of that time. All of the chit-chat and catching up. There was only one person Suga cared to know about. One person that he had not asked about, that Asahi had tactfully not mentioned.

And Suga was tired of waiting.

He opened his mouth.

"But what about you?" Asahi had interrupted. "You haven't said anything about what's going on with you since last time we spoke. How is Sendai?"

Suga shrugged, licking around his ice cream cone. "It's Sendai, I guess? It's fun...! Classes are going well, I'm making friends, going out a bit more. I mean." He laughed a little bit. "It's no New York City, or anything."

Asahi looked like he flinched. Maybe it was just a small twitch. "Yeah, nothing like that! Small little Sendai. It's not like it's a place to really settle for you, is it?"

Suga hummed nodding along in agreement. "Definitely not. I’ll probably come home once I finish up. So….”

“That would be nice,” Asahi hummed thoughtfully. “You can teach here and help me.”

“--Yeah, right! No way, work on your own stuff, don’t depend on me.” He said it harshly, but he grinned, working on his ice cream. “But--”

“Or! You could take a break, right?”

Asahi’s voice was getting nervous. Was he…? Did Asahi pick up on it, and was he avoiding the topic altogether?

Suga narrowed his gaze, a little confused. “No? I’ll be a broke college graduate. There’s no time or money for a break. _A - sa - hi_.” Suga’s voice became stern. “What are you avoiding telling me?”

“Nothing!” He held his hands up in defense. “Just questions that sprung to mind! Promise.” He sighed, an almost defeated look weaseling its way onto his face. “What were you gonna ask?”

Hesitation held Suga back for a moment. Asahi was lying, but Suga was determined to get what he wanted. He dropped his gaze back to his ice cream, hoping his voice didn’t sound contemptuous. “What about the last one?”

Asahi flinched again. Had Suga failed at keeping his voice calm? And Asahi’s brief silence didn’t go unnoticed. “Ah, right, uh. He…. He uh?”

Why bother trying to keep up a calm, collected air? He snorted. “What, did he die?” It had been over 2 years since they’d last spoken, after all, and with all the lack of information regarding Daichi, of _course_ he’d miss the memo about something like that.

Asahi’s eyes widened, frightened. “No! Suga, don’t joke about that! What if he died _right now_ \--” Asahi shook his head, trying to refocus himself. “He--!” Suga watched him gather his words. “He’s going to school, and all. For business….”

“Oh, is he? Good for him.” That was all he wanted to know, he thought to himself. He stared at his ice cream, now bored. He watched a drop of melted ice cream roll down to the lip of the cone. “Where at?”

“Ah….” 

It was like Suga could see the nervous sweat forming on Asahi’s skin. Could feel his anxiety rolling off of him in waves.

He could hear Asahi gulp.

“N … New York…” Asahi choked out. “...City.”

New York City? Suga quirked up an eyebrow, and smiled. What a cute game. “Asahi, please. Seriously, where’d he end up going to school?”

Asahi’s voice was quieter, softer this time. “New York,” he repeated. “He’s going to school in America.”

Suga glared over. “Lying does not become us,” he said sharply.

“ _I’m not lying,_ Asahi stressed. “He’s going to school in New York, he’ll be there for--two years? Probably four--”

“Why would he go to school in _America_? He’s Japanese! There--there’s _no reason_ to go to … to _New York_...!” He glared at the ice cream, daring it to melt. The intensity of his voice fell as he continued, trying to smile. But it wasn’t happening. Daichi went to New York? He went so far away…? And Suga hadn’t--he didn’t even matter the slightest bit to Daichi, to let him know. _Asahi_ knew. He bet Tanaka knew. Probably fucking Kageyama knew. But … “Not me…?” he asked himself softly. “Why wouldn’t he…?” His vision was getting blurry.

“It! It wasn’t because he didn’t want to tell you! He just didn’t think it would be right to … to bring something like that up after not talking to you for two years, just to say he’s leaving…!”

“R-right, of course…!” He tried smiling. He tried laughing it off. Two years of not talking--that was a two-way street, wasn’t it? It wasn’t as though Suga had reached out, either. But something like, say, leaving the country for 4 years: that hadn’t been a large enough topic for Daichi to try and start rebuilding that bridge? But they were an ocean and a continent apart, now. Suga wouldn’t matter to Daichi _now_. What if Daichi had known? What if Asahi had told Daichi how Suga felt about him, and was disgusted? Wanted to get away from him? His fake smile finally fell, and his poor attempts at laughter all devolved into small hiccups and sobs. “I’m nothing to him. Not even just a friendly acquaintance…?” His voice was tight, ice cream forgotten. “I’m just insignificant…!” He tried laughing again, his thoughts spiraling out of control.

“S-Suga, you know that’s not true! You two were really close…! It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s the opposite, Suga, please…!”

Suga had been completely and utterly rejected, he realized, and was actually sobbing, now. It was one thing to lose contact. But Daichi had _left the country_. He had flown half-way across the world, away from Suga. “W- _were_ ,” Suga said, shaky. “I never _mattered_. Not enough! If he _cared_ he would have _said something to me_!” He nearly yelled. “Inst-t-tead I’m-m j-just…! Just S- _Suga_ , th-that p-pitif-ful third--third year!” Screw his heart breaking; did he have one, anymore? It was just _gone_. “A replacement! Of-f course th-that was his con-concern…! He-e was the c-c-captain…!”

Suga had found a negative to Sawamura Daichi.

“ _Please_ , Suga! I--I don’t even know where half of this is coming from! What are--what are you talking about?! Replacement?! Suga, I’m serious, it’s not like that! He never saw you that way--it wasn’t because of you--!”

“ _Then what! What was it!_ ” Suga gasped. He just wanted to matter. Just a little bit. More than just … what he felt.

“It was because he was afraid!” Asahi’s voice was tight, and high, like he was terrified. “H-he didn’t want to tell you for a reason! He didn’t think it would matter to you since--since you two hadn’t spoken…! It wasn’t out of cruelty!”

Sawamura Daichi _was_ cruel.

Suga's eyes stung, he couldn't keep them open. Words refused to form. It didn't matter what Asahi said, there was suddenly a vacuum in Suga's chest. Like everything he felt for Daichi was being sucked away, never to be felt again. Like Suga's hope was being ripped from him. For there to be no positive outlook for him to keep hidden away. It was all just ... leaving. But there was so much, and every bit was so important. How long was he supposed to be like this? How long was he going to be made to suffer this...? It hurt. It hurt so much, and no bandaid or medicine could stop it. Only one thing could, and that thing was gone. Had left him behind like he was nothing. Just a random passerby on the subway, or on the street. No one Daichi would ever pay attention to. At least, not to him. Not to Sugawara Koushi. Suga folded his arms before him, hiding his face in them and muffling his sobs as he did. "It--it wasn't enough," he whispered harshly, loudly. "I d-didn't...!"

Sawamura Daichi had made Suga suffer before.

This was a thousand times worse.

“Suga….” 

He felt Asahi place a hand on his shoulder.

“Suga, I’m sorry…. I’m sorry he didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sorry that I’m the one who had to tell you…. I’m sorry you’re hurting, I just--I’m sorry….” Asahi groaned. “If you guys would have just…!” he sighed to himself.

But Suga just ... kept crying, the same words repeating themselves in his head, over and over again. He was worthless. He didn't deserve any type of goodbye. Had he wronged Daichi somehow? Did he anger him in some way? He just ... didn't know. And not knowing was almost as bad as the whole ... being worthless part. "It--it's not your fault...." Suga said after a few good minutes of crying. His eyes were wet, and red, his cheeks stained, his hair a mess and damp around his face. This ... was terrible. He wanted to just curl up in a corner, and just ... just stay there. Alone, and unbothered.

“I know. But I just hate to see you like this.” 

Suga blinked, feeling himself being suddenly tugged into a hug. 

“I’m sorry. I know there’s not much I can do or say to make it better, just.”

Once he realized how comfortable he was, Suga latched onto Asahi, finding a fresh, although weaker, wave of tears flow from his eyes. “I … I love him-m still…” he admitted, voice weak. “I still lov-ve him, s-so much….”

Asahi rubbed softly at Suga’s back as he held Suga firmly in his hug. He sniffed. “I’m sorry, Suga. I promise, he cares about you, so much, I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true….”

It just made Suga feel more down. Asahi was far too kind. The placating words were just meant to soothe him; mean something to him. But it just made it worse. If Daichi had cared about him, he wouldn’t have just gone without a word. He wouldn’t have left it to Asahi to break the news. He shook his head. “You don’t need to force yourself,” he tried to laugh.

He could feel Asahi stiffen. “I’m not! S-Suga! I’m really not! I wish I could--”

Suga sighed, pulling away with a groan and wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “Geez, fine, I believe you. Just so long as you don’t actually have a stroke.” His voice was tired, and hoarse. He so wished he could actually believe Asahi, but there was no willing, unbroken piece of him that could. Asahi’s words, Daichi’s actions--it didn’t line up for Suga. It didn’t make sense to him.

“Ahah, n-no promises,” Asahi whined, wiping his own eyes as well. Had Asahi cried, too? “Are you gonna be okay…? Is there anything I can do to help you at all?”

“You mean apart from bringing him back here so I can punch him across that stupid face?” Suga sniffed. He shook his head. “No. I’m just. I’m gonna be like this for a while, I think. It….” He paused, collecting himself again. “It really hurts, Asahi. Is it possible to die of heartache?”

“I … have no doubt. I’ve had a will written up since I was nine though, just in case. If it happens, you get to have my spice rack.”

Suga … had to really process that one before he started laughing. It felt nice. “Like … cumin? Oregano…?”

“Taragon, paprika--the whole thing.”

“Then I’m afraid you have to die, I’m low on Italian seasoning.”

“Suga!”

“I’m kidding!”

“ _Suga_...!”

“I have better people on my hitlist.” Asahi blanched. Suga laughed. “Don’t worry, you’re not my priority.” He sniffed again, leaning back against the tree. “Ugh, now you know I have _feelings_.”

“Yeah,” Asahi grinned. “Such a cold and unfeeling creature you were before this.” He smiled sadly. “Is there anything I can do for you? For real.”

“I don’t know. If I think of something, I’ll let you know.” He wouldn’t. “Right now, I just. Need to go home and cry for a week. Or seven. I haven’t decided yet.”

"Mm.." He nodded a little. "I'm sorry. Do you want to go, then?"

Suga sighed, lookup lazily, and tired. "That's probably for the best. Who knows when I'll just. Explode?"

"Please don't explode. I don't think my heart could take it."

"I make no promises.” Suga grinned, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, Asahi was reaching for Suga, pulling him in for one more hug. One Suga could feel love, support, and hope in. It was a little snug, but he grinned. Asahi's care was a comfort. It did help--if only as a temporary distraction, as he focused on the sky one more time to see a familiar little boat sail across the blue. He wondered how far it would make it this time before dissipating. But--no more thought of that. He had to focus on thanking Asahi.

Because later he would be alone with nothing to distract him from his thoughts, and he would cry some more. And some more ... and some more.


End file.
